


Distance

by Cry_me_a_harmony



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 01:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11749374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cry_me_a_harmony/pseuds/Cry_me_a_harmony
Summary: In a world where, on your 18th birthday, the first words your soulmate says to you, in the past or future, appear on your wrist, Kibum and Taemin struggle when their marks are not what they had hoped for.





	Distance

**Author's Note:**

> So, in this their ages are slightly closer. They are on the same grade, even if Kibum is older by little less than a year.

The children filtered into the classroom in a rush after their afternoon recess, eager to find the spots they'd been assigned that morning. The first day of school was drawing to a close, and groups could be seen here and there, giggles and animated conversations filling the room while the teacher didn't arrive.

 

While some were distracted with their friends, one kid, scrawny at best, settled in his seat in the second-grade class, taking out his supplies and splaying them across the table top. Regretting not having had the courage to reach out and start a conversation with his closest seat mates earlier, he sighed, looking around. They seemed to be perfectly at ease with the others already. It was to be expected, since his transfer to this school had left him stranded in a class with not a familiar face in sight. He hadn't even been formally presented to his new class, but maybe that was for the best. If he was honest, he would've probably been too nervous to even say his name. He sighed again, resigned to just play with his pencil toppers until class started.

 

Out of nowhere, a kid ran past his desk, boisterous laugh echoing off the walls. One second later, though, he ran back just as fast, startling the smaller kid out of his skin as he leaned over his table with his eyes wide open.

 

“Whoa, your pencil case is so cool!” he exclaimed, obviously excited. The small kid blinked at him.

 

“Oh, do you like Hercules?” he asked as he picked up the case and offered it for the taller kid to inspect. He carefully took it, turning it in his hands with a huge grin showing off his missing front tooth. He looked funny; with round cheeks and a gap in his right eyebrow, he was probably the funniest looking kid he'd seen in their class. He looked nice, though.

 

“Yeah, he's the best!” The kid handed back the pencil case like it was a precious artefact. “I wanna be strong like him when I grow up.” He illustrated this by flexing his arms like the demigod often did, and as he admired him, the small kid became braver.

 

“That… That would be awesome!” His voice rose as his smile grew bigger. He mimicked the swinging fists of the protagonist of his favourite movie. “You could crush boulders and defeat titans with a swift punch to the--”

 

“Oh wait!” The flexing stopped as the weird eyebrow kid sped to his desk and brought back a small black notebook. “Miss Choi told us we're supposed to note it down if we meet someone new and write what we said!” He opened the notebook on a page titled 'New Friends'. The subject rang a bell.

 

“Because of the soulmate thingy?” He asked as the new kid uncapped his pen.

 

“Yup!” He nodded. “What's your name?”

 

“Lee Taemin.” He answered, digging for his own notebook in his backpack. It would probably be for the best if he wrote it down too. Not like he needed another lecture on forgetfulness.

 

“I'm Kim Kibum. I think I said “your pencil case is cool”, and you asked me if I liked Hercules.” He stopped to think for a second, pen tip on his chin, leaving behind a small spot of ink.

 

“You said 'whoa', too. And 'so cool'.” Taemin corrected, and Kibum looked at him with a confused expression.

 

“The 'whoa' counts?” He asked, scratching his head, trying to remember if the teacher had talked about what kind of words were valid. Taemin shrugged.

 

“I dunno, maybe?” He answered, unsure, as he noted it down on the last page of his math notebook.

 

“Then I'm adding 'oh' to yours. You said 'oh', right?” Kibum asked, not waiting before he wrote it down.

 

“Yeah, I think so.” Taemin answered anyway. Suddenly, Kibum laughed again.

 

“If these were our soulmate marks it'd be so funny.” He looked back at Taemin, and he laughed with him.

 

“It really would.”

 

 

  
\-----

 

 

 

Five minutes until midnight.

 

They were sitting alone, on opposite ends of the table. Waiting. They'd just moved into the apartment they'd be sharing in college. They were both pretending to be calm, like it was just another late night in each other’s company, but Taemin had never felt so nervous in his whole life. It wasn't even his turn to get a soulmate mark, and yet it was the same as if it were, because tonight it would be decided: whether he was Kibum's soulmate.

 

And they had just four minutes to go.

 

Kibum was only doing a slightly better job at concealing the twists and turns of his stomach as the clock's hands inched closer to 12. He gulped, looking at his wrist for any signs of the inky words that would appear right as he turned eighteen.

 

In three minutes.

 

Taemin's health was probably going to suffer if he didn't calm down soon, but he wasn’t sure how he could, when he was so close to finding out if he was allowed to feel the way he did. Or, conversely, if his feelings were forbidden. He knew he wouldn't be able to spend his whole life with Kibum if they weren't bonded, and the mere thought made him bite the inside of his lip.

 

Two minutes.

  
The panic in Kibum's throat was getting the best of him. He took a sip of water that nearly made him gag. He knew the words he wanted to see show up on his skin. Knew them by heart after thinking about them every day for the past months. Years, in fact. And he prayed. He begged. He was desperate to know if he could allow himself to look at Taemin without looking away before he got caught. And, even if he never said it out loud, he had known for a long time that Taemin wanted it just as much. They hadn't discussed it because they knew the odds were against them, and they knew friendship was the limit if it turned out they belonged to someone else. If they weren't meant to be, having their hearts out in the open would be worse. So, they hoped in silence, communicating through lingering touches that only the other would understand.

 

Less than a minute to go.

 

Words were struggling to leave Taemin's throat. He was almost certain he was going to be sick if he held them back any longer, but as he opened his mouth to speak, Kibum gasped, flinching a little as the first dark wisps appeared, like hot ink being dropped on his flesh.

 

Midnight had come.

 

Kibum's arm burned, but the feeling was more uncomfortable than painful. Taemin wasn't sure if he was supposed to get up, but a panicked look from Kibum, pleading for his support, had him bolting to Kibum's side. Taemin held his shoulders from behind in what he hoped was a reassuring touch. The two observed the small patch of skin on the inside of Kibum's right wrist, where spots were mingling and fading into each other. But, suddenly, the dark ink stilled, and as the edges of the letters became clearer, Taemin's hands lost their strength, just as Kibum’s started trembling.

 

“'You'...'you're pretty’...?” Kibum muttered under his breath.

 

No. No, this had to be wrong. It was supposed to be Taemin. It had to be.

 

Taemin swallowed thickly.

 

“That's...” He shut his eyes, he couldn't stare at the cursive anymore. “A really nice message to have on your wrist.” He forced himself to be happy for his friend. His friend.

 

That was all he was.

 

Taemin would've choked if he weren't using all his energy to remain calm.

 

“It's… beautiful.” Kibum whispered, trying to convince himself. He was incapable of speaking louder, and he was unsure if he'd made a sound at all. There was a ringing in his ears, and he couldn't feel a thing. He was cold. Numb.

 

But, to Taemin, the gaze that had remained unbroken, fixated on the message, along with the hushed words, gave off an air of reverence. Like Kibum was lost in their meaning, and what the future held for him and his soulmate. He was glad Kibum was transfixed, since that meant he wouldn't notice it if Taemin left.

 

“Happy birthday, Kibum. Good night.” He spoke quietly, letting his hand slide off of Kibum's shoulder and heading to his room. It was possible that Kibum hadn't even heard him, but it was useless either way. No matter how loud he spoke, how much he screamed, he knew no words he said now could erase the ones that were now permanently penned onto Kibum's skin.

 

And Kibum's world was shattering as he realized that the words that would burn their way into Taemin's skin on his eighteenth birthday would not be his.

 

 

 

\-----

 

 

 

Taemin leaned back into Kibum's chest, stretching his legs on the fluffy rug, at the foot of Kibum's bed.

 

“This is a way better setup, by about a bazillion times.” He sighed, letting his head fall back onto the other's shoulder. Kibum laughed.

 

“Gee, a whole bazillion?”

 

Taemin nodded.

 

“Yup. And you're a bazillion times comfier than the chairs at the movies.” He snuggled back into a more comfortable position, hitting play on the remote. Kibum had suggested they order pizza and watch his old VHS version of Hercules after an unsatisfactory movie-going experience. Bless Kibum and his impressively well-maintained VCR.

 

“That's not a hard task, though.” Kibum frowned at the thought of those slabs of concrete their local movie theatre had covered with cloth and called chairs. “Not sure if it counts as a compliment.”

 

“You know what I mean.” Taemin tapped Kibum's knee soothingly. Kibum smiled.

 

“Sure.” He rested his chin on Taemin's head after a moment's thought.

 

They'd made an effort to return their friendship to how it had been before Kibum's eighteenth birthday, and while it worked on a surface level, Kibum still found himself occasionally shying away from situations that might be seen as something more. However, more often than not, he couldn't deny himself the happiness that being this close brought him.

 

Taemin, too, tried to come to terms with the fact that their soulmates were out there, but when he rested his head fully on Kibum’s chest, he forced his mind to clear of the rest.

 

It was amazing what two people could ignore just to be able to spend time together.

 

Taemin turned his head up a bit.

 

“You know...” Taemin sounded withdrawn, his tone hesitant. “There’s something that I wish I could change about right now...”

 

The pause made Kibum nervous. Taemin wouldn't bring up the marks, right? Now Taemin felt heavy against his chest, and Kibum wondered if he'd been too careless with his allowance of physical contact and the intimacy that it conveyed. He tried to keep his breathing regular.

 

“What’s that?” He prodded when Taemin didn't continue. Taemin twisted so he was looking up at Kibum, one hand bracing on the ground next to Kibum's thigh, which the latter was painfully aware of.

 

Suddenly, Taemin's face slipped into a smirk. He held up his can of soda.

 

“You don't come with a cup holder.”

 

Kibum shoved him off of him with a pinch to his ribs.

 

“You're such an asshole!” He laughed, unease dissipating as Taemin rolled onto the floor, giggling his head off.

 

Still smiling like a child, Taemin sat up, perching his chin on Kibum's shoulder and wrapping his arms around his chest.

 

“Please don't be mad at me, Kibummie.” He cooed, blinking repeatedly in an attempt to earn back his cosy spot in Kibum's lap.

 

Kibum huffed, only a little miffed, and allowing him to cuddle under his arm.

 

“Just watch the movie.” He sighed. Taemin chuckled.

 

“Come on, we've watched this a thousand times, you still think I ask to watch it because of the content?” He asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice.

 

Kibum looked down at him, confusion etched on his brow.

 

“What do you mean?” Taemin leaned his head back again.

  
“We could watch any freaking movie on your computer, but this is _our_ movie.” He lowered his voice, thinking back to the day of their first meeting, so many years ago. “It's like home.”

 

Kibum could tell he was being serious, and it was as unexpected as it was appreciated.

 

“That's... surprisingly sweet.” Kibum's arm tightened around Taemin, and he felt a happy sigh leave the younger man.

 

“Besides, I like it when you sing along with the movie.” Taemin confessed.

 

Kibum detached himself from him, looking as though he couldn't believe his ears.

 

“You always say I sound weird!” He exclaimed, to which Taemin slumped back against the bed, looking like a kicked puppy.

 

“Well, I'm not always in an emotional mood, ok?” A pause. “I love your voice, though.” He crossed his arms across his chest. “But take the compliment and hold onto it, 'cuz I might not feel like saying it often.” He pouted, looking away.

 

Kibum took it to heart. It meant a lot to him, and he couldn't help the light flush that dusted his cheeks.

 

“Such a brat.” Kibum reached up to ruffle Taemin's hair affectionately.

 

Taemin leaned into the motion with a teasing smile.

 

“I'm your br...” Taemin trailed off just as Kibum was withdrawing his hand, his sleeve sliding up and presenting those two dark words on Kibum's wrist. Words that hadn't come from Taemin's mouth. He snapped his lips closed and looked away. He couldn't say it; he wasn't Kibum's.

 

Kibum noticed the way Taemin pulled his sleeves over his hands, and with a glance towards his own arm he realized he'd fucked up. He kicked himself for making Taemin feel this way. Again.

 

Kibum knew it was his fault. His selfishness had been the reason why he'd tried so hard to keep Taemin close to him. But they couldn't do this anymore. They couldn't get hurt again and again like this. This wouldn't simply go away if they avoided it long enough, and he couldn't make Taemin go through it over and over until they inevitably parted ways. He had to start distancing himself once and for all.

 

He almost jumped when Taemin cleared his throat, looking back at Kibum with a smile that his eyes didn't mirror.

 

He was trying to return to a normal state of mind. It was his method to cope. Force yourself to smile until you forget why you had to force it in the first place.

 

Not that he ever forgot. Not completely.

 

“Hey, can you... Pass the pizza?” He asked quietly. Kibum nodded tersely.

 

“Sure.”

 

 

 

\-----

 

 

 

Taemin caught up to Kibum with a grin, hanging onto his shoulder as he waved two strips of paper in the air.

 

“Want to swing by the coffee shop? I got us some discount coupons. Yes, I know, I'm awesome, no need to thank me.” His hand was poised on his chest as he proclaimed his greatness.

 

Kibum smiled at his antics, before the weight of Taemin's arm brought him back to reality. To the decision he'd made.

 

He adjusted his backpack strap to surreptitiously get Taemin to break away from him.

 

“I… actually, I need to go to Minho's to finish an assignment.” He wasn't really lying. He was going to Minho’s. He had an assignment to finish. The two just weren’t necessarily related. He told himself that that was good enough to try to soothe his conscience.

 

It wasn't working.

 

Taemin was taken aback by Kibum's denial of caffeine on a Monday, but he knew he had an average to maintain.

 

“Oh, okay, just let me know if you're gonna be home late.” He smiled, dismissively. Kibum slowed his pace, as they neared a detour he could take to Minho's. His stomach lurched at the thought of intentionally leaving Taemin to perpetuate his lie.

 

“You know what, don't wait up, I might stay over.” His voice was calm. But only his voice.

 

Taemin's smile faltered.

 

“Alright, just.” He stopped himself. “Yeah, no, alright. See you, then.” He waved half-heartedly, as Kibum nodded and turned away.

 

“Yeah, see ya.” He was walking down the road by the time those words reached Taemin.

 

Even though Taemin spotted Minho alone on campus the next day, and despite countless unanswered calls, Kibum didn't come home for three days.

 

 

 

\-----

 

 

 

Kibum walked into their apartment on Friday night looking a little worse for wear. He had dark bags under his eyes and was wearing the same clothes he'd worn that Monday. He was thankful that Minho put up with him for that long, seeing as all he did was mope around, but he knew that Kibum couldn’t trust many people with his venting about Taemin. He was non-judgemental, and had the gift of being a great listener without feeling the need to ask unnecessary questions.

 

Kibum sighed in relief when he saw the empty living room, but Taemin, having heard the door, came rushing out of his room.

 

“Hey! I was getting worried, you didn't reply to my texts or pick up the phone...” His expression was guarded, and his voice was quieter than usual. It was unnatural for him to be cautious around Kibum. It made the hairs on the back of Kibum's neck stand.

 

He had no good excuse for not answering. He'd purposefully ignored his phone for his whole stay at Minho's.

 

“Oh, sorry, I forgot.” Kibum opened the fridge simply for something to do. He couldn't say he wasn't lying now. His pulse was racing, his mind dying to take it back.

 

“You _forgot_?” Taemin was incredulous. How did someone who was _this close_ to stapling his phone to his hand just forget to reply?

 

“Yeah, I did.” He replied simply. He hoped his hand didn't shake while he poured himself some water and put the bottle back in the fridge.

 

Taemin was observing him. He wasn't convinced, but he knew that if he probed Kibum, he would become more defensive. The best route was to wait for him to explain on his own.

 

“Fine, ok.” Taemin surrendered. “I was just wondering if you wanted to order pizza or something, and maybe we could watch a movie or...something.” The awkwardness was foreign but recent events had made it a part of their interactions. They were both aware of the changes, and Kibum's mind itched.

 

He was causing this. Intentionally. But he couldn't cave. It was for Taemin’s sake.

 

“I... I ate already, I think I'll sleep early.” Another lie. He hadn’t eaten since dinner the previous night, and he knew he would get no sleep. The guilt for letting things get to this point and the constant need to strengthen his resolve had him mentally exhausted while at the same time preventing him from resting for longer than a couple hours. Even when he slept, his mind raced, and he woke up more tired than he’d been before.

 

Taemin could see the weariness, but not the underlying turmoil.

 

“Okay, that's fine. Good night.” He looked after Kibum as he passed him.

 

“Night.” Kibum closed the door behind himself.

 

Taemin retreated to his desk, slumping down on the chair. He would later pretend he couldn't hear Kibum on the phone, talking about how he wished he'd gotten his own apartment when he started college.

 

 

 

\-----

 

 

 

“Are you going out again?” Taemin was leaning against Kibum's open bedroom door. An increasingly rarer occurrence, since Kibum had taken to locking it the second he got home.

 

“Yeah.” Kibum didn't even look at him as he answered, his back turned while he looked for his wallet. He was getting better at pushing down his remorse.

 

“Alone?” Taemin questioned again.

 

“Yeah, why.”

 

Taemin shifted his weight.

 

“I mean, I could go with you, you don't have to go alone.” He'd be lying if he said he wanted to spend a night out, but he was desperate to know how Kibum was doing, to hear his voice, to hear him laugh. He missed him.

 

Kibum huffed.

 

“Well, it's a little counterintuitive to go out with company to try to find company.” He quipped back. He found that the tension in his muscles eased when his voice was harsher. Compensation through aggressiveness.

 

Taemin froze.

 

“Oh...” He hesitated, trying to find his voice. “Are you...have you been looking for your soulmate?”

 

“Of course, the fuck else would I do, wait around doing jack shit?” Kibum responded with a little more force than absolutely necessary.

 

Taemin flinched, looking down at his feet. He took a slow breath.

 

“Like me?”

 

Kibum looked back, then. That wasn't what he'd meant. He was trying to get Taemin off his case, but not like this. He wanted to create space between them, but he'd crossed the line between apathy and cruelty.

 

“Taem...” He started, walking towards Taemin, but Taemin shook his head.

 

“No, it's... It's fine. Have fun.” He stepped back, heading back to his room. He couldn't be near Kibum right now. He hurried to close his door, leaning against it for balance as he struggled to keep down the lump that formed in his throat.

 

He looked at his wrist, trying to imagine a world where he wasn't bound by an invisible shackle to a complete stranger, before sliding to the floor.

 

 

 

\-----

 

 

 

 

Taemin was having breakfast at the kitchen table when Kibum emerged from his room. Taemin glared into his bowl of cereal.

 

“Oh, you scared me, I forgot I had a roommate.” Taemin's voice was laced with sarcasm. He was done being civil.

 

Kibum's hand faltered as he gathered his keys from the coffee table, but he stayed silent.  


“Oh, that's why I forgot, you became mute, right? My bad.” Taemin spoke again, louder now, a fake sweetness woven into his words.

 

“What's your problem, Taemin?” Kibum turned on his heel, facing the cold stare that was being directed his way.

 

Taemin got up, bowl in hand.

 

“No problem, none at all. Going out? Let me guess, going to _study_ at someone's place for a week so you don't have to put up with me?” He rinsed the bowl and his spoon swiftly.

 

“Look--” Kibum started, but he was interrupted by the slamming of Taemin's hands on the edge of the sink.

 

He was holding on to stop himself from losing both his balance and his mind.

 

“You know, you should just hurry the fuck up and find your soulmate so you can leave me behind for good.” He spoke quietly, but his tone had a bite to it.

 

Kibum was taken by surprise, and so he couldn't stop the words that left his mouth.

 

“I don't _want_ to leave you behind, you idiot!”

 

Taemin whirled around, fire in his eyes.

 

“Like shit you don't!” He yelled, making Kibum recoil. “Is that why you barely look at me anymore?” He stepped closer. “Is that why you don't even talk to me when we're in the same room? Is that why you regret moving in with me?” He was furious but the disappointment was more evident. “Face it, the only reason why you haven't moved out is because it would be more trouble than I'm worth.” His voice almost broke near the end, but he forced himself to stay level. He turned his back, intending to walk away from Kibum, but Kibum reached out to keep him in place.

 

“Taemin, don't say something like that.” Kibum didn’t know how he could have heard him vent to Minho on the phone, but he certainly hadn’t gotten the whole story. Those things had been said on a particularly hard day, and while he still maintained that maybe if they had gotten separate houses they could’ve avoided all this, it was unbearable to hear that Taemin could for _one second_ think he wasn't the most important person in his life.

 

Taemin yanked his arm away, even if he did stay rooted to the ground. Part of him didn’t want to run from Kibum, and that part had always won over all the others.

 

“What do you care.” He whispered.

 

Kibum walked around him, trying to look into his eyes.

 

“Of course I care, Taemin, it's just--” Taemin looked up at him suddenly.

 

“What, Kibum, it's just what?!” Taemin snapped. “Is it just you not wanting to waste your time on me? Because guess what, I could have been finding my 'The One',” his air quotes were scathing, anger evident in his motion, “but I chose to spend time with you because you were my best friend, my family, my...” He stopped short, lips pursed, eyes still fiercely staring into Kibum's, and both knew what he meant.

 

_My everything._

 

He grabbed Kibum's wrist, pulling his sleeve up. “Admit it to me, and admit it to yourself, you care more about these fucking words than you ever cared about me.” He let go, as if looking at the inky surface burned him. Maybe it did.

 

Kibum shook his head desperately.

 

“That's not true--”

 

“Oh, really? Then explain to me why you've been acting like I don't exist.” Taemin finally asked the question that had haunted his mind for as long as Kibum had started acting distant.

 

Just like Taemin was sick of excuses, Kibum was sick of lying. He gripped Taemin's shoulders, leaving him no choice but to listen.

 

“Because one day you're going to find _your_ soulmate and I don't think I can handle watching it happen!” He finally let it out.

 

Taemin's jaw slacked, but Kibum continued.

 

“You're all I've had for a long time and I know I can't take losing you one day out of the blue. I've been trying to let you go because I thought if it were my decision it would hurt less.” He wasn't sure if he meant for himself or for Taemin, anymore. After all, he had been lying to himself, too. “And I realized that you shouldn't waste time with me.” He finished, taking his hands back.

 

Taemin let his head hang, eyes shut.

 

“That's not fair, Kibum.” He whispered.

 

“Fuck fairness!” Kibum blurted out. “ _Nothing_ is fair! If things were fair, you'd be...” He caught himself. He couldn't.

 

But Taemin locked their gazes again.

 

“I'd be what?” He asked.

 

Kibum trudged past him, grabbing his coat on the way.

 

“Forget I said anything, I'm going out.” He muttered.

 

“No, you can't leave like that!” Taemin followed him to the door. He needed to hear it, he knew he did.

 

But Kibum wasn't stopping.

 

“Kibum, wait, please, I...” He trailed off. The words were stuck in his throat again.

 

Kibum took one glance behind him, a miserable expression marring his features before he turned away and left.

 

“Don't wait up for me.”

 

The door slammed behind him and Taemin's breath was stuck in his chest for a moment before it came crashing down.

 

 

 

\-----

 

 

 

His mother had picked the worst possible time. A few days after they last saw each other --Taemin had yet to leave his room since then --, there was a box full of video tapes and a camera in Kibum's lap. The note on top read 'Honey, could you sort through these and pick some nice ones to get converted to DVD? Thanks, Mom'.

 

He sighed. _No calls for weeks, but when there’s a favour to ask…_

 

Also, when had he become the family's expert in old media formats?

  
As expected, most of the tapes were of him and Taemin growing up. 'Cruel fate' was a euphemism.

 

The labels ranged from 'Day at the pool with Taemin', to '2nd grade play', and other assorted moments in their lives up until his mother had switched to a modern digital camera. Kibum didn't think he could handle watching those right now.

 

He put aside the ones that could involve the both of them, opting to start with some that were near the bottom of the box. Those had obviously not seen the light of day in close to two decades. He wondered if they were still even in working condition.

 

His hand retrieved a particularly old-looking tape. The label was blank, but it had to have some content if it wasn't rewound all the way, right? Well, it was as good a place to start as any.

 

He plugged the camera into his TV and popped the tape in, rewinding it all the way back while he organized the next few tapes he could check. As soon as the tell-tale click of the gears sounded, he hit play, and patiently waited for the initial static to fade away.

 

Most of it was his mom testing out the camera's zoom in a room he didn't recognize. It must've been around the time she got the camera.

 

She was with her friend, who was going on and on about her new part-time job as a babysitter, and honestly Kibum didn't know why that particular tape wasn't just recorded over with something more interesting. Then again, he doubted anyone had ever bothered to watch this after it was recorded. He fast-forwarded through it to check if something was worth keeping, anyway.

 

He clicked play again when he caught a glimpse of a kid. Sure enough, his mother was filming him play around with a pink stuffed toy. Kibum smiled. He remembered that stuffed piggy. It had been his favourite for years. He tried to think of how old he could be in the video. No older than three, for sure.

 

He heard someone call out to his mom from off-screen. She hurried to go see what they needed, setting the camera down on the coffee table before leaving.

 

_Of course she forgot to stop recording._ Kibum rolled his eyes with a fond smile. She probably hadn't figured out what button did what, yet. Well, at least she'd left the camera pointed at where he sat on the ground playing. He sure was a cute kid.

 

Kibum was lost in his memories of old toys and familiar baby clothes when an unidentified object came flying into the shot, hitting baby Kibum right in the forehead. Present Kibum laughed out loud. He wondered if he should submit the video to one of those comedy shows. But then the perpetrator waddled into the shot and Kibum's laughter was stuck in his throat.

 

He knew that baby.

 

“Taemin…?” He choked out, as he almost fell on his face rushing forward, closer to the screen, eyes nearly bulging out of his skull.

 

There was no doubt about it, that baby was Taemin. He had seen enough videos and pictures to know his face like the back of his hand. And even if he hadn't, Taemin's features had barely changed over the years.

 

He watched in stunned silence as mini-Taemin took small steps to retrieve the rattle that he'd accidentally chucked at Kibum's head. As he approached, he looked over to the extremely offended baby Kibum, smiled, and presented his rattle as if to share it.

 

The video was grainy, and the audio was tinny at best, but Kibum could hear him clear as day.

 

“You're pretty.”

 

Kibum's jaw fell. He pulled his right sleeve up so fast one of the stitches popped off. He was looking at the words he'd lived with for years, and they were the same as the giggly words he'd just heard. He didn't notice he wasn't breathing until he heard his shrilly maybe-three-year-old self scream at Taemin.

 

“Go away!”

 

The next breath Kibum took shook his entire body, because even though Taemin always covered his wrist with a number of accessories, Kibum knew that that was his mark. He'd once admitted to using it to tell some asshole to take a hike.

 

He couldn't move, as he watched his kid self walk away from the shot in fury, and Taemin looking after him, before shrugging and walking away himself, happily shaking his rattle. His mom coming back to check on the camera and it all fading back to static didn’t even register. His mind was going a mile a second and he couldn't help but feel lightheaded.

 

With a sudden rush of energy, he shot up. He had to show Taemin. He had to show him that they'd been wrong. That he'd been wrong.

 

And he needed to apologize.

 

He ran to Taemin's bedroom door, not remembering -- or not bothering -- to knock.

 

Taemin woke with a start when the door slammed open. There went his afternoon nap. But then, with one eye still closed, he saw Kibum standing there, gasping for air.

 

“Kibum, what the—what…?” He babbled, his brain not yet awake enough.

 

Kibum didn't trust his voice, so he walked up to Taemin and pulled him out of bed by his arm, almost making him trip and fall to the ground in the process.

 

“The fu—Kibum, what the fuck, calm down, let me go!” Taemin tried to wriggle from his grasp, to no avail.

 

“You have to see this, trust me!” Kibum yelled back. The last part made Taemin forcefully pull his arm out of Kibum's hold.

 

“That's rich coming from you.” He said, the harshness in his voice an attempt to make Kibum understand exactly how he felt.

 

But Kibum did understand. He knew he'd caused more pain with his decision. He reached forward, conveying how serious he was right now. He never looked away from Taemin’s eyes.

 

“Taemin... Please...” he pleaded, reaching his hand out again.

 

Taemin hesitated, but something in Kibum's gaze felt familiar. Like he'd gone back to being the Kibum he'd known all his life and not the front he'd put up recently. He sighed, taking Kibum's hand.

 

“...fine.” he yielded.

 

Kibum led him to his room, motioning for him to sit in front of the TV.

 

“What...is this?” Taemin asked, still a bit wary as Kibum hit rewind to find the moment before the rattle flew into view.

 

“It's one of my baby tapes.” He answered, fiddling with the camera's controls until he found the right time and hit play.

 

Taemin was no less confused.

 

“So?” He asked, giving Kibum a suspicious look as the baby played with his stuffed animal on screen.

 

“Watch.” Kibum directed his attention to the TV. Taemin gave up on questioning his logic, resting his head on his palm as he sat cross-legged on the ground. He recognized Kibum's tiny chubby face and couldn't help but snort when the rattle hit him square in the forehead.

 

But when the second child appeared, Taemin straightened up. He shot a shocked look at Kibum, who simply nodded, gesturing back to the TV. Taemin focused on the steps he took so many years ago, and when he heard the two children's exchange, his hand flew to his mouth.

 

He looked around frantically, looking like his brain wasn’t managing to process the information, before his gaze settled on Kibum.

 

“Play it again.” He asked. Kibum obliged, rewinding the tape one more time.

 

Taemin watched as the events played out once more in front of his eyes.

 

And as the video faded to static, he buried his face in his hands.

 

It felt like he was breathing for the first time, and he was having a hard time getting used to it. But at the same time, his frame convulsed, a release of frustration he had been holding in for too long leaving him in the form of a loud hiccup. He felt a hand on his back. Lifting his head, he was met with Kibum's eyes, full to the brim with tears. Taemin couldn't hold back anymore.

 

He threw himself into Kibum's arms, who only barely managed to sit down and not fall completely to the floor. Taemin clung onto the back of Kibum's sweater as hard as he could, and Kibum returned the favour, pressing his face into Taemin's shoulder and holding on for dear life, his breath trembling.

 

“You're...my soulmate... We're soulmates...” Taemin’s whisper was slow, tentative, like he was testing the words on his tongue. So often he'd dreamt of saying them, only to wake up in a cold sweat and having to smother his grief in his pillow.

 

Kibum nodded, gripping him tighter yet.

 

“We're soulmates.” Kibum sniffled. “I'm so sorry, Taemin.”

 

Taemin leaned back, and even though his relief was clear, he couldn't conceal the hurt still present in his heart.

 

“You should be! I spent weeks feeling miserable because of you.” He sounded choked up, and Kibum could tell he was struggling to stay strong.

 

“I know, and I swear, it wasn't any better for me... It was torture having to stay away...” Kibum reached forward, holding Taemin's hands in his.

 

He almost broke down again when Taemin laced their fingers, but he continued after a shaky breath.

 

“I just... God, Taemin I wanted to be with you again but I... I could feel that we were going too far. _I_ was going too far. And I didn't want to fall...” He trailed off, shaking his head.

 

No more lies. He looked straight into Taemin's eyes.

 

“...no, actually I've been in love with you for a long time.” He didn't miss the way Taemin's hands tightened around his. “So I figured it would just be better to stop before anyone got hurt. You deserved to be happy--”

 

“I was happy!” Taemin interrupted him. “I was happy with you!” Exasperated, he drew a hand up to his face, wiping at his misty eyes.

 

“Oh, Taem, please don't cry...” Kibum's own eyes teared up again at the sight. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Taemin like this.

 

“...I'm sorry too.” Taemin breathed out.

 

Kibum's brow furrowed.

 

“What, why?” His free hand cupped Taemin's cheek, and Taemin looked at their woven fingers.

 

“I should've paid more attention. I should've been there for you... But at the same time it's so frustrating. You've known me for so long, but did you _once_ stop to think about why I never looked for my soulmate?” He questioned, searching Kibum's eyes.

 

“I... guessed you were just waiting for it to happen naturally.” He answered. He'd never given much thought to it. He felt physically ill whenever he remembered that Taemin would find someone else, so he tried his best to clear his mind of any thoughts related to the matter.

 

Taemin shook his head.

 

“No, I was… hoping it wouldn't happen at all.” He sighed. “Every day I was terrified to leave the house because someone might appear out of nowhere and talk to me, and you and me would just be over.” He looked at his wrist, dark text contrasting his fair skin. “I wanted to forget all about my mark and pretend that things could stay the same. I knew that it was wrong to just close my eyes and let it be but... I wanted to be with you for as long as I was allowed. And to see you start pushing me away like I was nothing?” His voice cracked, forcing him to gulp, continuing in a barely audible whisper. “It hurt more than you can ever imagine.”

 

Kibum's heart ached for Taemin. He pulled him back to his chest.

 

Taemin's hands grasped the front of Kibum’s sweater, a choked hiccup making him huddle closer.

 

“I never meant to hurt you.” Kibum said, petting Taemin's head. “I know I fucked up, but please know I was trying to do the right thing...”

 

“I know... It's not your fault, it was a fucked-up situation.” Taemin answered. If things had been only slightly different, it could've been him in Kibum's shoes. He didn’t know if he would’ve had the guts to do it, though.

 

Kibum rested his head on top of Taemin’s, sighing.

 

“...I missed you.” He said softly, revelling on the warmth of Taemin’s hands, now resting on his lower back.

 

“I missed you too.” Taemin replied just as quietly, as he listened intently to the beat of Kibum’s heart, pulsing against his cheek. It had been too long since they’d held each other like this, but Taemin was sure they wouldn’t let such a long time pass again.

 

After a moment, Kibum cleared his throat, and Taemin hummed in question. Kibum spoke and the smile was evident in his voice.

 

“...You know we have to watch Hercules now, right?” He quipped, a chuckle being met by Taemin’s snort.

 

“Hell yeah.” Came his reply.

 

Kibum shifted a little, reaching for his phone.

 

“I'll order the pizza.” He said, before Taemin sat up a little, placing one of his hands over Kibum’s, stopping its motion. Kibum looked up at him.

 

“Wait, just...” Taemin paused, bracing himself with a hand on Kibum’s shoulder and meeting his curious gaze. “Before the moment passes and I lose my nerve...” His eyes flickered to Kibum’s lips. That was the only warning Kibum had before Taemin kissed his breath away.

 

Kibum couldn’t say he was ready, yet at the same time, he’d always been ready. He tilted his head slightly, bringing his hand up to Taemin’s neck.

 

Neither was particularly skilled in their motions, but they also didn’t care. They relied on what felt right, soft presses deepening as they became more comfortable, the taste heady on their tongues.

 

A small whimper climbed Kibum’s throat as Taemin pulled away, licking his lips. He let their foreheads touch, and it took all Kibum had to not immediately kiss Taemin again. And before his own willpower crumbled, Taemin took a deep breath.

 

“I love you too.” He whispered.

 

This time Taemin looped his arms around Kibum’s neck to stop himself from losing his balance, since Kibum crashed his lips onto his a bit too fast. Not that he was complaining, though. Not at all.

 

Just as fast as he kissed him, however, Kibum drew back. He leaned up to press a peck onto Taemin’s temple, hugging his waist.

 

“I'd better not be fucking dreaming.” Kibum’s words were quiet. It felt almost too good to be true, and he didn’t want to risk disturbing the silence that now surrounded them.

 

Taemin’s laugh was little more than a rush of air through his nose.

 

“Kim Kibum, if you are dreaming and wake up, you'd better immediately go to my room and sweep me off my goddamn feet.” His demand was met with scepticism.

 

“Taemin, you would probably murder me if I just went for it with no context after how I've been acting.” Kibum argued, perfectly aware of the capabilities of the lithe frame currently curled up against him. A childhood of play-fighting had made him wary of Taemin’s hidden strength.

 

Said fighter giggled in response.

 

“Honestly? I was going to say that if you kissed me I would forgive you immediately, simply because, like. Damn.” He was blushing slightly, now, as he absent-mindedly touched his lips, boldness having been spent for the moment. “But now that I think about it, you're right. I'd probably think you were playing some sort of prank and punch you in the nose.” He admitted. Kibum nodded, lips pursed.

 

“Yeah. Well, I'd deserve it.” He deserved much worse. He would never know how he got so lucky.

 

“Maybe,” Taemin mused, “but please don't beat yourself up about it, anymore. You’re forgiven. I mean it.” He was completely serious, and Kibum knew that Taemin wouldn’t say something like that without being 100% honest. If nothing else, because his poker face was awful.

 

“Okay.” Kibum uttered his compliance. “At the risk of ruining the mood, do you think we could maybe move to the couch or something? My butt's going numb.” He finished with an apologetic smile, shifting a little to alleviate the weight on his behind.

 

Taemin’s mouth dropped open in mock-offense.

 

“Excuse me, are you kicking your newly-discovered soulmate off of you?” He laughed once, his (almost non-existent) acting skills kicking in. “You know, I should've never doubted it was you. Who else would tell their soulmate to, and I quote, ‘go away’ right off the bat?” He gestured as though he were presenting Kibum to a crowd of enthusiastic fans. “This asshole, ladies and gentlemen!” He exclaimed, making Kibum chuckle, lightly slapping Taemin’s shoulders.

 

“Excuse _me_ , you had just assaulted me with your rattle!” He pointed at his forehead, not quite managing to look as offended as he’d wanted, what with his face-splitting grin and all.

 

“It was obviously an accident!” Taemin countered, stifling his laughter.

 

“Nah, I think tiny you was already crushing on tiny me. You were _hitting_ on me from the very beginning.” He tapped his wrist, proudly displaying the first time Taemin had complimented him. “This is a pick-up line, right here.”

 

“Yeah, well, subtlety has never been my strong suit.” Taemin caved with a shrug, getting up and pulling Kibum up after him. A nice way to hold onto him after he got on his feet, if he did say so himself.

 

Not that Kibum would let him go, honestly.

 

“I kinda feel bad that I got the cute one and you got the mean one, though.” Kibum took Taemin’s wrist in his hand, running a thumb over the mark on his skin.

 

The lightbulb blinking into existence in Taemin’s head was almost visible, and he tugged on Kibum’s sleeve like a child.

 

“Oh, oh, can I be cheesy for a moment?” Taemin jokingly raised a hand as if asking a teacher for permission to speak. Kibum rolled his eyes, chuckling, but nodded.

 

A swift hand behind Kibum’s neck pulled him down to meet Taemin’s waiting mouth, a sweet kiss being left on his lips. Taemin leaned away and bit his own lip to stop his grin from growing.

 

“I wouldn't change it for the world.” Taemin’s tone contained a hint of a joke, but he meant every word. Kibum knew as much, and so he slid his hand down to hold Taemin’s, a huge smile on his face.

 

“How was that?” Taemin asked, with an expectant smirk.

 

“Nailed it.” Kibum replied, ruffling his hair.


End file.
